I was challenge 2 months ago when one of my pastor in church resigned to live by faith and trust in God. That though stayed with me for some time and it bothered me greatly. The very though of not having a salary, not even a support group, and simply trusting God for my needs shakes me. I realize something I've never realize before, that I found my security in my monthly paycheck! Looking forward to it and relied completely in it to get me through the month. Of cause, as a pastor in Malaysia my salary was slightly inadequate, yet it paid my monthly bills, my house rent, house and car maintenance and, it also gave me a bit of enjoyment from some good food in Penang. What would I do without it, who would pay my landlord and my bills?
Through this enlightenment, I knew that God wanted me to take a step of faith, by not taking my salary the following month. "Do you trust me or your own strength to make a living?" was constantly replaying in my heart. In every step of faith, big or small, doubts are never far. Question like, is it really you God? God provides through my salary right? Etc etc.
In the middle of October, after much struggle mentally. I decide to step out of my boat(security)... I called our church accountant and told her my next step, that is to remove my salary the following month. She was a bit shock because it's something really unusual and questioned my motives. I told her that I've been preaching of God's faithfulness in providing yet so often I've only trusted in my own strength to supply my own needs. I've been a hypocrite! And furthermore as a youth pastor, I long for my youths the fireBRANDS to trust God, shouldn't I learn to trust first? This is the journey not for every pastor but it is a personal journey that God wants me to take. Finally I told her that if I believe in God, His Word and who He says He is... the faithful Shepherd, then I should be fine, very fine.
I walked out of that meeting with a mix sense of freedom, freedom from my own self-reliance and also a tiny bit of anxiousness. But there is that certain, unexplainable joy within me. Is as if Father God is smiling down, pleased to have His son trusting in Him.
“For in just a little while,
the Coming One will come and not delay.
And my righteous ones will live by faith.
But I will take no pleasure in anyone who turns away.”
But we are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones, whose souls will be saved.
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.